i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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