but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
