so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
