she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We are all done wearing pants today
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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