I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
