you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
