just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
