Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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