You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
