No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
