When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
