i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
