he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Never joke about your clitoris.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
