Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize