I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Drunk is a universal language darling
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