why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
