Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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