then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
