Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
