I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
