Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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