Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Come on in and take your pants off
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