maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
