Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize