if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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