i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
