My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
