You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
