She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
