This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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