I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
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My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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