FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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