I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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