I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize