He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
