I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
