I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
