i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
