There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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