did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love you. Go after that dick
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
