dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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