Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
