were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
