I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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