the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
