im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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