upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
