in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
