new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
