my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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