Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
