Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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