I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
