If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
