I'm jealous of your bromance
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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