We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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