CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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