Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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