At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
