I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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