I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
