North Korea, Best Korea!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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