we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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