Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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