she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
