I heard we made out
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
