did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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